I think this post is going to be somewhat rambling but let me assure you that I have a point, something I want to impart to you besides rehashing the last 24 years of my life. So here goes:One thing I’ve learned for certain is that 17 year olds are in no way qualified to be making life directing choices. That being said, the only thing probably worse than their making them would be to allow their parents to make them for them. So I guess all you can do when you’re 17 is to throw your hat into the ring and hope for the best, that’s what I did.
When I was 17 I walked into class on the first day of my senior year, took one look around the high school and knew deep within myself that there was no way in hell I could waste another year of my life inside of those four walls. So I walked out. Within the week I was enrolled in college and thus began my very expensive, very useless 4 year matriculation as an undergraduate art student. I don’t regret leaving high school, and strangely enough I don’t even regret pursuing an art degree. What I do regret is that I didn’t have the foresight to double major in some more practical field as well; you know, one of those degrees that at the end of shelling out all of that time and money you’re actually employable. But I didn’t. I did work for a short time at various low paying social service positions and then we moved to Wyoming and I happily gave up working. For the next 8 years I worked full time in my studio and managed to do pretty well in terms of exhibitions and in quality of life. When Goth came along I tossed aside my glue sticks and focused on raising and home schooling her. But for the last few years I’ve been drifting. Goth certainly doesn’t need my undivided attention any more, and yet for a variety of reasons I have failed to throw myself back into the art. In part because I’m not the same person I was 12 years ago, and in part because my ego feels I should be contributing something more “worthwhile” to the world, and also because I know that the earth has enough “stuff” in it, and I hate to contribute to that any more than is necessary. Also, for my 4 years of “education” the one thing I was taught above all else was aesthetic snobbery. It simply was not acceptable to paint for the joy of it or for the masses, but strictly for intellect, angst, metaphor, and elitism........ for what our unique artistic selves had to bestow upon the world (barf, barf, barf). You wouldn’t believe some of the obnoxious artist’s statements I have written in my life! Any ways, I am so over that. And in short, I’m conflicted. I feel like I should be working, and yet am too paralyzed to pick up a pencil. When I go to all of your blogs I’m just inspired by your drive and creativity. So what this brings me to is that a while back Sandy and her friends were doing an art, A to Z, meme. I have no idea what the rules were but I’m going to do my own version of it. Lots of days I can’t think of anything to post here so for the next little while when I find myself empty I’m going to just post a quick sketch; not great art, no content, just a simple non-digital drawing, something to force me to get my feet wet, reorient myself, and try to figure out where I’m going. By the letter Z I should know if I want to start working again. I sure hope so, because other than art, the only thing I’m qualified to do is work at Walmart!
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