Gifts

Yesterday the Muse and I were walking across the glacier that is our yard clinging to each other for dear life, when I had an epiphany. I finally figured out what to get him for his birthday.......ice cleats! I know it’s a stupid idea, but after 20 years together gift giving hasn't gotten any easier. It’s actually harder. To make matters worse, there are very few things in this world that I suck at more than buying presents (except maybe singing but believe me, we don’t want to go there). Once when we were first together I was in angst over what to give my father for his birthday and the Muse suggested a tank of fish. Because our relationship was still new, I did it. I gave my dad (whose only interest in fish involves catching and eating them) fish. Then, years later (having forgotten the fish suggestion) I told the Muse that it was his turn to buy my mom a Mother’s Day gift. Guess what “we” gave her? An American flag and rest assured that I don't ask him for help anymore. It's not his fault. This has been a life long problem for me. He had nothing to do with it the year I was 19 and gave my favorite cousin tarot cards for her birthday (a gift that I swear is solely responsible for her life’s conversion into a Bush loving republican with a career in law) or the year I thought he'd love a box of really good oranges. Unfortunately the company shipped them without notifying me and a week later he came traipsing into the living room scornfully bemoaning the idiot who sent us fruit for Christmas. You see I have this dilemma of wanting to transcend just buying useless “stuff” and finding that unique treasure that will actually bring a moment of pleasure, practicality, or amusement to the recipient. Every year we ask each other “What do you want for your birthday?” Which is followed by the purchasing and wrapping of things that really just belong on a weekly shopping list. This past Christmas we skipped the whole gift thing altogether and gave to charity. Still, it’s his birthday and I want something more....... I want to give him something more. Something that he didn’t pick out for himself. I don’t need to rock his world, but I’d like to at least come up with something that isn’t dorky. And I’ve got nothing here, absolutely nothing! Does anyone know if the Emporer's Club has gift certificates??????