One Small Square.....the annex

just the tip of the iceberg...

2012-01-30T12:02:00.007-07:00

To this day Zoe still doesn't understand why I wouldn't let her watch Disney movies until she was 7 or 8. I found this graphic on Pinterest which somewhat simplistically illustrates a small part of my objections. Still I thought it was worth re-posting here.

(side note: I don't censor her anymore and she loves Disney, even if I'm not a fan.)

graphic source:http://pinterest.com/pin/56576539038645759/

lizard progressing and a Happy Birthday!

2012-01-27T12:16:00.004-07:00

The horned toad still has a ways to go (but then he is 8 times larger than the real thing). In fact what we have here is a digital photo of an incredibly blown up, unfinished drawing,

of a lizard who people call a toad who wants to wish

Tara a Happy Birthday!

Kind of like a modern day version of Plato's cave since the drawing is a drawing and not a lizard or toad, who knows nothing of people, or birthdays, or blogs, and for all I know it might not even be Tara's Birthday (although I have it on good authority that it is!) making everything just shadows and this post possibly pointless....and confusing. But forget all of that and let's just leave it at

Happy Birthday Tara :)

Fictionalizing Reality

2012-01-24T15:20:00.012-07:00

Yesterday I found myself and my groceries in line behind a clean cut, middle aged fellow trying to hang onto a LOT of donuts and bananas. Other than his struggling not to drop everything I really wasn't paying much attention to him. So anyways, I'm behind this guy minding my own business when I realize that in addition to the donuts and bananas he has a pile of one hundred Walmart gift cards that he wants the cashier to add $5 a piece to.

scan~type~swipe

scan~type~swipe (X maybe 20)

The guy looks over to me and apologizes. I give him a smile and quietly reply “it's fine”. What he doesn't know is that I'm stuck in town for the next three hours waiting for Zoe's drawing class to end and it really doesn't matter to me if I spend that time standing here or somewhere else. If I were a chatterer I'd tell him that and relieve his anxiety. I'd tell him all about how my 16 year old home schooled daughter who has never set foot in a classroom in her life is attending the college and how I'm just running errands and killing time until she's done. I might even brag about how creative she is or of my hope that she'll meet someone her own age and make new friends. But I don't, I don't do that sort of thing.

scan~type~swipe

On autopilot my brain wonders “who in the world would want a $5 gift card?” Pretty quickly I decide that he's either a preacher or used car salesman. At least that's what he looks like.

scan~type~swipe

(are we up to 50 yet?)

Another apology “I really am sorry”. I smile meekly again and say “it's okay”. And it is, except for my brain. It's decided he's pimping God and that tomorrow morning somewhere in this frozen tundra (okay it's not technically a “tundra”) will be a gathering of lost souls whose emptiness, vulnerability and despair will be rewarded with donuts and practically worthless gift cards. I imagine how dirty the donuts would taste in my mouth....how cheap I would feel at such a feeble attempt at collective belonging. Okay, enough! I laugh at myself and decide to still the mental chatter and clear my mind of absolutely everything right there in the middle of Walmart. As I shut my eyes and breath slowly and deeply to center myself I wonder if he thinks I'm trying to summon patience or stave off frustration. I wonder if his imaginings are as ludicrous as mine?

scan~type~swipe

When the stack is almost gone I smile at him while he apologizes again and thanks me for my patience which makes me laugh. When I finally finish checking out and approach the exit, the alarm goes off. After rifling through my entire cart the greeter apologizes because she can't find anything to write in her door dinging log. We wait some more while she copies my receipt and I smile at Larry because it definitely seemed like randomness and chance, or the universe, or whatever, was helping us as much as she could to pass the 3 hours we didn't know what to do with. :)

beginning sketches....it's supposed to be a horned toad

2012-01-23T12:27:00.002-07:00

Holy Smoke! ~ real art in a Walmart World

2012-01-22T10:57:00.008-07:00

I found Helen Thompson's work through Pinterest and am floored and inspired by it. She's definitely worth taking a look at.

her website: http://holy-smoke.co.uk/portfolio.html

on Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/all/

where we live....

2012-01-20T11:09:00.012-07:00

(Massacre Hill; The Battle of the Hundred Slain/Fetterman Massacre, photo by Larry)

as described in Black Elk Speaks:

...the soldiers came and built themselves a town of logs there on the Piney Fork of the Powder...

"Dead men and horses and wounded Indians were scattered all the way up the hill, and their blood was frozen, for a storm had come up and it was very cold and getting colder all the time. "

"There is a wide flat prairie with hills around it... Our women were watching us from the hills and we could hear them singing and mourning whenever the shooting stopped. "

The places mentioned in Black Elk Speaks are timeless and little changed over the last 150 years. The soldier's "town of logs" is mostly gone except for placards and a visitor's center. About 40 years after The Battle of the Hundred Slain and The Wagon Box Fight, the United States Government established a post office here solidifying settlement of the area. We now have a year round population of just under 900 people (a number which increases significantly if you count summer residents).

HISTORY LINK: Red Cloud's War on Wikipedia

so collect your courage and collect your horse...

2012-01-19T10:27:00.005-07:00

in case you were wondering...

2012-01-17T16:27:00.004-07:00

deer don't like gingerbread houses.

thank you!

2012-01-14T12:25:00.004-07:00

I don't know who you are but THANK YOU to whoever sent me the subscription of Wired, I'm going to really enjoy it!

from The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt

2012-01-13T17:28:00.007-07:00

Each of us can easily divide the world into good and evil, but presumably God would not suffer from the many biases and Machiavellian motivations that make us do so. Moral motivations (justice, honor, loyalty, patriotism) enter into most acts of violence, including terrorism and war. Most people believe their actions are morally justified. A few paragons of evil stand out as candidates for hell, but almost everyone else would end up in limbo.

It just won't work to turn God into Santa Claus, a moral accountant keeping track of 6 billion accounts, because most lives can't be placed definitively in the naughty or nice columns.

-Jonathan Haidt, The Happiness Hypothesis

Garrison Keillor read this on today's Writer's Almanac...

2012-01-03T12:59:00.004-07:00

Harmony in the Boudoir

by Mark Strand

After years of marriage, he stands at the foot of the bed and

tells his wife that she will never know him, that for everything

he says there is more that he does not say, that behind each

word he utters there is another word, and hundreds more be-

hind that one. All those unsaid words, he says, contain his true

self, which has been betrayed by the superficial self before her.

"So you see," he says, kicking off his slippers, "I am more than

what I have led you to believe I am." "Oh, you silly man," says

his wife, "of course you are. I find that just thinking of you

having so many selves receding into nothingness is very excit-

ing. That you barely exist as you are couldn't please me more."

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T14:27:00.011-07:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

My only resolution this year is to start treating Zoe like the 16 year old that she is (I tend to over mother the poor girl to death!). Beyond that, I don't have anything blog worthy or New Year-ish to add. I did just finish emailing my sister. While I doubt it will interest you I'll copy and paste it below. Proceed at your own risk though as it promises to be VERY boring! :)

Happy New Year to you too!

Things here are good. I kept with my tradition of seeing the new year in unconsciously. The last thing I remember the clock said 11:50. Somehow the universe managed it all without me! :)

Zoe had wanted to decorate gingerbread houses this year. Rather than spend ten bucks per kit I told her to wait until after the holidays when I could get them at 1/2 off and we would do them new years eve, which we did. She's such a funny kid. She just really gets into stuff like that. I think we sat there listening to music and making a terrible mess for like two hours. So that was nice and the deer will love eating them in a week or two when we're done looking at them.

I didn't take any pictures the night of the ball but I have one of her in the dress that I took when we bought it. I have another shot that Liz took at the ball and posted on facebook so I'll send that too.

Larry watched a special on CNN in December about a diet the cures and prevents heart disease. He asked Santa for the book and is now undertaking this super strict vegan diet

http://www.heartattackproof.com/

Trying to make full meals and a constant supply of baked goods with no animal products, no milk, eggs, cheese, nuts, oil (of any kind) or butter has been keeping me busy. I did find some oil free vegan bread at the health food store along with vegan egg replacer. He said last night that the diet is giving him peace of mind because he knows he is doing all he can for his health. I'm sure once I've worked out a menu of successful recipes to choose from it will get easier.

Anyways, the whole ordeal with XXX's eye totally sucks! I would think it would make it hard to drive in terms of peripheral vision (among other things). I wish I was there, I would love to photograph it and turn him into the hottest ophthalmological stock model out there! :)

I bought a book for all three of us for Christmas called the Happiness Hypothesis

http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Hypothesis-Finding-Modern-Ancient/dp/0465028020/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1325450031&sr=1-1

which I've only just started. Anyways, the author is a psychologist who specializes in culture and morality. I've just started it but he simplifies the structure of our psyche by equating the unconscious (our autonomic responses and inclinations) as an elephant and consciousness as a small person riding (and trying to control) the elephant. I've always thought of those two aspects of ourselves as proportionately the opposite; that the unconscious is recessive and only occasionally informs our conscious selves. What he is saying is that what-who we are is mostly derived from our biology and our unconscious and is largely opposed to/immune to our conscious decision making. That without persistent and long term behavioral retraining the elephant doesn't conform. Anyways, what I'm getting at is that I think what he has to say may be relevant to the whole new years resolution/dissolution thing that you mentioned. I'll let you know once I'm further along if it's worth trying to get from your library. Personally I find that it explains a lot about me to myself but since that would make this email nothing short of a long book I will save it for another time. :)

And, since this email isn't already long enough, I'm going to bore you with the idiocy of bird count day which was yesterday. We got the most ferocious blizzard which lasted all of Friday night. So Saturday morning it was just lousy out, we had no power and no internet. I couldn't shower or do my hair but since the winds were terrible it didn't really matter. It took Larry and I an hour working together to dig a path through the 5 foot wall of snow at the end of our driveway. We froze our asses off! When we finally got free the county roads weren't plowed (except for ours which has a private contractor) Where we were able to travel, the snow squalls left visibility to zero. Every bird with any sense in his head was hunkered down somewhere. And those that were out, were being thrown around so fast by the wind that they were unidentifiable. On a normal drive through Story we will encounter around a zillion turkey and several bald eagles. Yesterday we counted 4 turkeys and only one juvenile bald eagle. I guess what I'm saying is that not only is the Christmas Bird Count a completely unscientific means of keeping tabs on local bird populations (because it is done by volunteers with varying understanding of species, binocular strength, and overlapping territories) the results are so weather dependent that they can in no way be an indicator of anything in any given year. So it was STUPID! I really should have skipped it but didn't want to seem like a pansy whiner as we'd made a commitment to help. What was I thinking?!

Well, now that you regret emailing me I will try and wrap this up.

You didn't say how your party and the fireworks went last night? I don't blame you for wanting to put Tuesday off a little longer. Hopefully when business hours resume at a normal pace the checks from all of that work you've done will start flowing in!

Good luck with your patient!

Much Love, Sharon

(bird count day 2011)

the other side of living in the mountains; winterkill (WARNING graphic images)

2011-12-28T12:27:00.009-07:00

A young magpie waiting for us to finish moving his lunch.

from a previous post last April:

Mr. L: "Hi I'm Mr. L. I've been staying at M.K.'s house. We've had a deer die in our yard."

Me: "Yeah, it's that time of year. They just can't take it anymore."

Mr. L: "I don't want to be a bad neighbor, I can't leave it there."

Me: "Yeah, you need to move it. There's a tree on the road to Fetterman, pull over there, there are hundreds of them."

Mr. L: blank stare as if I'm insane.

Me: "Or you could ask around some more..."

Mr. L: "Yeah, I'll do that."

a couple of hours later...

Mr. L: "I've asked around and everyone said the same thing. Plus they say there's a mountain lion hanging around."

Me: "Welcome to Wyoming."

the next day...

Mr. L: "I found the spot you told me about. We said a little prayer and tossed her over.... We're leaving. I think were heading to D.C."

Me (in my head): just a different kind of carnage.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

2011-12-24T17:16:00.003-07:00

I found this on the table this morning

2011-12-17T11:10:00.014-07:00

Zoe must have drawn it during the night.
We put Booger down yesterday, she was (at least) 20. Larry and I found her living in our shed in '93. We already had 5 cats and a dog so I suggested taking her to the shelter but Larry wanted to keep her. I'm glad we did. She was quite a character; an avid animal hater who approached life claws first, she loved us and was never happier then while burrowing deep into our necks as we watched t.v.. The other animals were terrified of her. The dogs even refused to enter doors or go up or down stairs if she was anywhere near. A part of me envied her unapologetic bitchiness and lately we've been joking that it wasn't time to put her down if she was still kicking ass (which she proudly did until the end).
Zoe wrote on her blog yesterday:

"RIP Booger
1991 to December 2011
I hope you go to a great place, with lots of canned food and people to sit on".

I couldn't come up with a better epitaph if I tried.
Goodbye Miss Boog, we loved you.

A Partridge in a Pear Tree???

2011-12-16T11:11:00.003-07:00

How about a turkey in a hawthorn?

family portrait

2011-12-13T12:12:00.004-07:00

We're just to Zoe's right. Can you see us?

I had hoped to get a decent shot of all three of us that I could send my parents along with their Christmas gift but not even the miracle of photoshop was enough; they were that bad.

So Pat and Joe will be getting a couple of shots of Zoe which on further consideration is a much better idea anyways. After those last shots I'm beginning to wonder if age has me looking more like my Mother's father or Father's mother or some gruesome combination of the two. A few more years and I will be practically unrecognizable to myself.

Ugh!

i'm thinking he must be the sexiest man alive (sorry Larry)

2011-12-12T11:13:00.004-07:00

My FAVORITE singer singing my FAVORITE song! :)

the stockings are hung...

2011-12-11T22:09:00.009-07:00

the tree is up, and the gifts are chosen. Now all that's left are fun things like wrapping presents, listening to music and making cookies.

Zoe and I watched A Year Without a Santa Claus the other night and both agree that the Heat Miser and the Cold Miser are the best.

We still need to watch The Grinch, and Zoe's never seen It's a Wonderful Life so I'd like to snuggle up and watch that with her too.

I really like Christmas
It's sentimental, I know, but I just really like it
I am hardly religious
I'd rather break bread with Dawkins than Desmond Tutu, to be honest

And yes, I have all of the usual objections
To consumerism, the commercialisation of an ancient religion
To the westernisation of a dead Palestinian
Press-ganged into selling Playstations and beer
But I still really like it...

-from White Wine in the Sun by Tim Minchin

yArN sToCk

2011-12-06T10:31:00.005-07:00

Just because I haven't posted anything in a while.

Holiday Visitors

2011-11-23T14:19:00.003-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

America's Next Top Model

2011-11-23T10:45:00.005-07:00

a gift from larry...

2011-11-18T12:23:00.002-07:00

:)

2011-11-17T14:59:00.000-07:00

memories that don't make me cringe are hard to come by

2011-11-14T17:05:00.017-07:00

when i was little

i would sit alone in the sun

spinning

the pedals of my upturned bicycle.

in my imagination i was making ice cream,

which makes no sense to me now.

it was an escape from the hours spent in tow,

under the harsh fluorescence

of a culture bustling against itself.

in other realities

girls my age walked quietly beside goats.

i have no idea what they were imagining.

in fact, at the time they didn't even exist; to me.

but while i struggled with modernity,

they were cut, sewn up, and cut again.

fucked; quite literally.

i'm grown now with a little girl of my own.

she lives life wide open

with unending fascination for all things,

good and bad.

i censor her.

not for her sake, just what she shares with me.

there is so much I don't want to know

because it never leaves.

sometimes when i shut my eyes everything is quiet

and I can forget; myself, those little girls, and so much else.

reopened, i shudder, and swear to myself.

fuck.

links: here and here.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T18:11:00.003-06:00

message in a bottle

2011-10-30T15:10:00.009-06:00

Okay, I know very few people read this blog anymore since I've converted it to a personal journal and removed comments. I also realize that it's egocentric to re-open them for this post just because I'm interested in discussing a particular subject. I get that, can live with it, and plead guilty as charged. That being said, if there is anyone still out there I'd love to hear your thoughts about hedonism. It's something I've been thinking a lot about lately so if you have an opinion, passing thought, or consider it completely irrelevant, I'd love to hear what you think. Anon comments welcome, all input appreciated. :)

Thanks!-Sharon

what little girls are made of...

2011-10-29T16:27:00.008-06:00

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-29T12:01:00.004-06:00

the art/Halloween mask Zoe's making...

2011-10-28T14:04:00.002-06:00

A Birthday Re-Post: 1 in 6,602,224,175

2011-10-26T11:42:00.007-06:00

From FRIDAY, JULY 4, 2008

I didn't really have anything to say today so I thought I'd post some of Zoe's baby pictures. While she, like all of us, is just 1 person among the 6,602,224,175 people on our planet, she (like all of us) is pretty special. It's kind of mind boggling that there are over
6 billion unique souls walking around this earth.
And that's just the people!

And while we all share the same genetic make up, each of us brings some little spark, some combination of being completely our own to this existence.

I'm not sure what I bring, it's so hard to see ourselves.........maybe empathy.......... you know the neurotic, paralyzing, for pete's sake get over it kind of empathy. :)

What's your thing, what do you bring?

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY ZOE!!!

(the updated world population is closer to 6,970,905,954 today)

we awoke to snow this morning...

2011-10-25T11:54:00.002-06:00

which was later than usual for us.

Yay... we're evolving!

2011-10-23T21:00:00.005-06:00

"The decline of violence may be the most significant and least appreciated development in the history of our species."

...it runs counter to what the mass media is reporting and essentially what we feel in our guts.

click the excerpts above to read Yahoo's article.

released for good behavior

2011-10-21T21:36:00.013-06:00

Zoe escaped our monastic existence for a few days this week in celebration of her upcoming birthday. We took her to the Black Hills which, even though only a few hours away, she'd never been to before.

I took a zillion pictures which I'll probably be posting later but here's an overview for now:

There were bears,

and reptiles,

presidents,

swimming,

and journey's to the center of the earth.

must be a rat thing...

2011-10-16T11:01:00.003-06:00

Pietro put himself in the trash this morning.

talking to myself

2011-10-09T10:44:00.010-06:00

As you know, I rarely comment on other people's blogs and there aren't any comments on my blog. It isn't that I don't have anything to say or that I don't care what you have to say, it's just that I don't like feeling obligated to remark all of the time. Maybe it's just me but once you're engaged in relationship it's like you've made an unwritten commitment to exchange at all times which can lead to seemingly rote, superficial, and insincere comments. I think that my intentions are well and good but after a while I find myself sitting back and wondering what perky and enthusiastic talker has snatched my online persona. In reality I can be quite withdrawn and ping ponging back and forth between friendliness and invisibility just sends mixed messages.

Anyways, that's not really the point of this post. I was just listening to music and washing the dishes when Leonard Cohen summed up what my response to myself (on yesterday's post Brilliant!) would have been if I had read it elsewhere. Whether in marriage or not:

Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

-from Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen

brilliant!

2011-10-08T12:39:00.003-06:00

Mexican officials have proposed legalizing "fixed-term" marriages allowing couples to profess their undying love and devotion until death do they part or 24 months, whichever comes first. Option to renew, right of refusal, and trade-in's welcome. :)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/sep/30/mexico-city-fixed-term-marriages

the snow is creeping down the mountain toward us...

2011-10-08T12:12:00.003-06:00

so the harvest is in.

simple

2011-10-05T11:50:00.003-06:00

http://isanglitrongliwanag.org/

on the long empty road east of town...

2011-10-02T20:44:00.019-06:00

you'll find a pumpkin patch, and goats, chickens, bunnies, and a pig. We took our annual trip to the pumpkin patch today.

This guy spent a fair amount of time nibbling on me. He wanted the camera but we discussed it and decided he should stick to clothing.

His friend.

Some pumpkins.

A chicken.

There was a little girl about 18 months old admiring the chickens with us. She cried as we left, it was so cute. :)

detail from an illustration Zoe's been working on...

2011-10-01T17:32:00.002-06:00

Pietro and Watson

2011-09-29T11:51:00.003-06:00

they took it!

2011-09-26T12:07:00.011-06:00

before ------------- after

I snapped this picture at the HF Bar last weekend without a tripod. I brought my tripod but for some reason I always feel self conscious about pulling it out in public so the shot wasn't quite as sharp as I would have liked. After retouching it I liked it so well that I decided to submit it Shutterstock fully expecting them to reject it on focus, lighting, or both. But they took it! I know, big deal. But it made me happy.

Stargazing at the HF Bar

2011-09-25T16:38:00.014-06:00

Zoe and I went to an overnight stargazing program at the HF Bar ranch last night. I'm not capable of successfully photographing the night sky so I didn't even try.

I did take these snapshots this morning after breakfast. They don't compare to the stars.

The sky was so clear we were actually able to see the Milky Way with our bare eyes, along with a great view of Jupiter, it's rings, and 4 of it's moons (via telescope).

My favorite was the owl star cluster.

It was a really great program. Thanks so much to everyone involved in putting it on!

www.hfbar.com

sciencekids

Sam Singer

How to Be Alone by Tanya Davis

2011-09-24T14:17:00.002-06:00

if i were a bird...

2011-09-22T22:06:00.003-06:00

i'd be in love right now.

unable to feign an interest in soccer...

2011-09-20T14:50:00.001-06:00

I drew a bird.

Zoe

2011-09-17T11:30:00.006-06:00

I took some pictures of Zoe this week to include with my mom's birthday present. Although not very clear I liked this one.

the taste test

2011-09-13T10:37:00.014-06:00

The garden is waning so Hanging Horn decided it was time he tested the crops. He couldn't choose for himself because we have perennial flowers, strawberries, and raspberry/blueberry bushes that he'd have been more than happy to destroy. He wants you to know that it was completely frustrating to be forced to sample from outside the gate. Still, he managed to swallow his pride, along with some lettuce, basil, carrot, a bean plant, and a roma tomato before deciding that they were all equally delicious, even the bean's stalk. I guess that means it wasn't so much a "taste test" as an exercise in gluttony. Whatever it was, he really enjoyed it and now has one more thing to pester us about.

Mosh pit anyone???

2011-09-01T19:19:00.017-06:00

As a hermetic home schooling parent of an almost 16 year old daughter living in a somewhat isolated mountain retirement community I sometimes find myself going to questionable lengths to provide her with social “opportunities”. Last night as I sat trying to disappear into a wall, I was surrounded by a hundred or more drunken, head banging, slam dancing, high schoolers flailing spastically to what I can only describe as deafening percussion abuse. I had to remind myself that this little outing was my idea. Zoe and I had plans for dinner and a movie when I saw a poster reading “Wyoming Punk meets Colorado Heavy Metal (all ages welcome!)” and I thought this might be an opportunity for her to meet people her own age. But who in their right mind willingly escorts their 15 year old daughter to a squalid rave??? When we first got there I planted myself next to the only open window in the place hoping to locate air amidst the impenetrable smoke. Taking it all in, I rejected all common sense to get the hell out of there. A little meditative centering while reminding myself to be open minded and non-judgmental brought me around to see how funny it all was. My mind flip-flopped between “she'll chalk this up to life experience” and “what am I going to do as one of the only adults here when the police bust the doors down”? Then I reminded myself that there were a couple of other potential chaperones. There was the middle aged, pot-bellied, drunk guy in the Harley t-shirt and tiny revealing cut-offs who was trying to pick me up. And the 80 year old dude wearing an exhaust mask that I imagine was grandpa to someone in the band based on his persistence with the digital camera. Plus there was the big bald dude wearing the security t-shirt, surely he was over 18. Once I'd convinced myself that just showing up to such an event did not make everything that was going on “my” responsibility, I started to worry about what I was going to do when the floor of caved in. I quickly decided that as long as I clung to the window ledge I'd be okay before realizing that Zoe was mingling 50 feet away. I never did figure out how I was going to fly over, snatch her up and get back to that window before we were all buried in rubble.

The longer we stayed the more amused I became. These were the very kids I was terrified of in high school. The very ones who taught me to disappear into walls in the first place. When they walked by my locker or entered the bathroom I became invisible. And here I was 30 years later as if time didn't exist. I had to wonder if Zoe was as taken aback by them as I would have been at her age but she seemed okay. When we got home she wrote on her blog:

i smell like an ashtray

local wyoming band performances sure are...

i don’t know what they are but they aren’t something i want

to see again.

i have a headache.

We left after the first band, no more “socialized” than when we arrived.

Oh well, community college starts in January. If nothing else, it should be quieter. :)

the sound you can't hear won't leave you

2011-08-26T13:39:00.012-06:00

We spent yesterday at the lake.

Zoe fished,

while I played around with my camera.

I think this shot epitomizes the title of this post

which is from a poem by Margo Lagattuta.

Gifting sand.

These are my feet, filtered in teal.

The parking lot before we left, also filtered.

Hay bales on the ride home.

A storm brewing behind the underpass.

An excerpt from Automatic Variable Frequency:

Thank God you can't hear it,

but the sound you can't hear

goes looking for you sometimes,

waits in the last place

you try to hide your raincoat,

the closet without doors.

This has nothing to do with you,

but the sound you can't hear

won't leave you.

-Margo Lagattuta

2011-08-18T19:19:00.000-06:00

studio shot

2011-08-17T15:27:00.001-06:00

this morning in pictures...

2011-08-15T11:49:00.004-06:00

Jeff on the barn door.

Loose bathing.

Cal at the pool.

a BIG thank you to both of my sisters...

2011-08-09T11:59:00.005-06:00

"Being careful to choose who to have around us is such an important life lesson."

"you can't live with that... without it having a huge price on your own health and sanity. and that at some point you need to draw a line of what you are willing to do and what you are willing to give up."

Thank you.

a child of the universe...

2011-07-23T19:48:00.000-06:00

alzheimer's, or a rift in the space-time continuum?

2011-07-16T12:10:00.011-06:00

We watched a movie last night called Never Let Me Go. Every once in a while I accidentally add something to our Netflix queue that we've already seen so seconds after the movie started I told Larry that we'd already seen it. He didn't agree so I jumped up and grabbed the dvd sleeve and sure enough it was newly released. There was no way we could have watched it before. I knew the whole plot and every character so if I hadn't seen the movie I must have read the book. Unable to let it go, I paused the dvd and went to my computer to find out if it was in fact a book, and what the title was. The infuriating thing was that it is a book but the title is the same as the movie, a title I have no recollection of. Worse still, the book was first published in 2005 so if I had read it it would have been fairly recently. I even went to Amazon.com hoping that the book's cover would jog my memory but no luck. Complete amnesia. I have absolutely no memory of reading Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. Yet the whole thing was so real and fresh in my mind that I know I have experienced it before. I am definitely losing it!

Sandie, have you read it? Did you recommend it to me and I just don't remember??? I know it's stupid but it's so weird to have such complete and accurate, detailed, recall of something, yet not being able to put it into conscious context.

"go with the speed and good fortune of a thousand whispering trees, child"

2011-07-13T09:05:00.008-06:00

Keely wrote that on her blog today. I don't know if it's hers or if she's quoting someone else but either way it was just too magical to ignore.

Quotable Larry

2011-07-12T15:57:00.002-06:00

"I fear there isn't much I can do for them;

being the man that I am."

Dating Advice to Young Men...

2011-07-08T11:29:00.013-06:00

who are smitten with my daughter:

First of all it is probably okay to arrange a first date within just a couple of hours of meeting her but if you say it is for 1 o'clock the next day (all of maybe 13 hours away) you should probably just wait until then rather than reschedule the very next morning to an earlier time because you can't wait that long. That seems a little overly eager, but its not a big deal. But then to try to schedule another date, this time a full day trip to the mountains, for less than 48 hours later, it would be best to accept her right to say no. And while it was probably okay to promptly suggest a different time and outing, once that date is made it would be best to respect that that commitment is when you will see her next. And since that is only 72 hours after your first date you probably shouldn't text her telling her how badly you want a girlfriend. Again, I realize my message here is a little redundant but the overly eager thing is kicking in again and to present yourself as so very needy when first meeting a person is probably not going to come off as endearing. Then, to decide 24 hours before that upcoming date to try and schedule an additional, sooner date is way too much. Especially when said girl is only 15 and has already quite clearly explained to you that she wasn't looking for a "serious" or intense relationship at this stage of her life. To top that off, if you are 18 years old you should have the maturity to put her younger age into perspective and not try to railroad her too quickly. Quite honestly it reminds me of my dog peeing all over a bush he has decided is his.

Oh, and one more thing: It's really inappropriate for adult men (even 18 year olds) to send those kinds of links to 15 year old girls who have already told them to slow the fuck down (especially when you have only just met). Having to tell you to take a hike was VERY hard for her. It would have been nice if you could have gotten a grip on yourself a little bit and allowed a friendship to build between you. I hope that helps and that in the future you will shoot for moderation and lose the whole intensely needy routine.

Best of luck, and don't call us, we'll call you!

today's find...

2011-07-07T11:59:00.003-06:00

Larry took this one...

2011-06-30T19:19:00.000-06:00

Need pics???

2011-06-29T22:21:00.013-06:00

art-photomanip-blogging-graphics-webdesign-ads-printables-whatever!

I've been revamping my website and have decided to put some of my photographs up as free stock. I've only just started and I'm not sure when I'll have time to add them all, but if you're ever looking for images keep me in mind and maybe you'll find something you can use!

www.onesmallsquare.com

pictures taken while my sister was visiting...

2011-06-27T21:05:00.009-06:00

chokecherries, a pinecone, forget-me-nots, and lilacs

2011-06-23T21:50:00.006-06:00

Zoe's found object sculptures from this week...

2011-06-21T10:26:00.006-06:00

2011-06-19T20:26:00.002-06:00

15 years later...

2011-06-16T08:17:00.002-06:00

and she's still cute when she sleeps.

WARNING: death pictures

2011-05-26T11:41:00.010-06:00

Zoe and I went out driving last night. She's just learning and needs to log 50 practice hours before her birthday this fall. We ended up at a nearby lake where we stopped and walked around. I don't know if it was from the recent storms and flooding or what, but the shoreline was littered with corpses. Hopefully these shots won't gross you out too much but if there is anyone out there who is into this sort of thing and can use them for art or whatever, feel free to take them.

(a fish )

(fish skull)

(raccoon paws)

(some kind of fish skull)

(a loon, I think)

(a raccoon, I think)

Nobody use the bathroom!!!

2011-05-25T11:12:00.011-06:00

It's clean and has a fresh coat of paint

so we're never going in there again.

I'm thinking I should have posted a picture of the outhouse which is definitely not clean so it's fair game. But I'm pretty sure there's a squirrel living in there so be sure to knock first.

the many faces of Kitara...

2011-05-23T14:33:00.006-06:00

even the mountains are underwater

2011-05-21T09:32:00.008-06:00

It's been pouring non-stop for a week. Okay, not not-stop, it did snow a couple of days ago. Our yard is already underwater as is the crawl space under our house and it isn't going to stop for another week if weather.com knows what they're talking about.

Even though Larry's about ready to start building an ark, Elly's having a great time. An amazing young women I know isn't. You can read her latest post here and maybe comment to cheer her. Some posts about her from my blog in the past are here and here.

I realize this post reflects badly upon my character...

2011-05-19T16:47:00.009-06:00

but enough with the snow already!

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. - Maya Angelou

Miss Elly

creepy doll photo by Zoe

2011-05-19T13:37:00.003-06:00

things i've washed today...

2011-05-18T22:37:00.002-06:00

myself

2 rats

one dog

the dishes

one of those moments that I wish I had a zoom lens...

2011-05-18T14:55:00.005-06:00

(a sandhill crane)

This isn't a great shot but I wanted to post it for myself.

She was so beautiful.

Loose Ascending a Staircase

2011-05-15T18:58:00.002-06:00

it was too cold to be in the garden today...

2011-05-14T19:30:00.012-06:00

Our high was about 40. I had hoped to work outside but just couldn't face becoming one with the damp chill. It's been a crazy and exhausting week around here with little accomplished. Not a big deal, life is like that sometimes. Earlier I came across a Dr. Seuss quote that while simplistic and cutesy seemed apropos:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

I have always struggled with feeling comfortable in my own skin and have never trusted that there would be people (besides Larry) that don't mind. I am however, learning not to care.

Too Cool...

2011-05-09T08:50:00.004-06:00

New gruesome details have emerged explaining how a parasitic fungus manipulates an unfortunate ant, filling its head with fungal cells and changing its muscles so the ant can grab a leaf in a death grip just when and where the fungus wants it. -Livescience.com

125 to 220 million smell receptors...come on, really???

2011-04-29T12:07:00.006-06:00

For the record, I don't know how many smell receptors I have but I can guarantee you that I wouldn't voluntarily nap in the litter pan, even if it had just been scooped.

scenes from the day

2011-04-24T23:02:00.006-06:00

whoring around...

2011-04-23T19:20:00.006-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about our modern culture's embracing "friendship" as an acceptable means toward furthering self-serving goals. Specifically, I've been stocking my Etsy shop and feeling very uneasy about networking as the prescribed means of exposure. Basically you are supposed to blog, chat, favorite, build treasuries, facebook, and twitter yourself into revenue. Maybe it's just me but I find that kind of abhorrent. Granted I don't like to chat on a good day but to nurture relationships for the sole purpose of selling stuff to people seems absolutely loathsome. If you're my friend or relative, or if I follow you and on the rare occasion talk to you, I want you to know that I'm doing it purely out of genuine interest, affection, or curiosity; not because I want your business. I mean really, actual prostitution would be more honest and less parasitic than online marketing via social networking. Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing others for making it work for them, I'm just saying that it's not right for me. Mostly, I'm just thinking out loud...

local custom...

2011-04-18T08:26:00.009-06:00

last week...

Mr. L: "Hi I'm Mr. L. I've been staying at M.K.'s house. We've had a deer die in our yard."

Me: "Yeah, it's that time of year. They just can't take it anymore."

Mr. L: "I don't want to be a bad neighbor, I can't leave it there."

Me: "Yeah, you need to move it. There's a tree on the road to Fetterman, pull over there, there are hundreds of them."

Mr. L: blank stare as if I'm insane.

Me: "Or you could ask around some more..."

Mr. L: "Yeah, I'll do that."

a couple of hours later...

Mr. L: "I've asked around and everyone said the same thing. Plus they say there's a mountain lion hanging around."

Me: "Welcome to Wyoming."

the next day...

Mr. L: "I found the spot you told me about. We said a little prayer and tossed her over.... We're leaving. I think were heading to D.C."

Me (in my head): just a different kind of carnage.

he cracks me up...

2011-04-16T18:39:00.006-06:00

I was given a mixed cd for my birthday a couple of weeks ago which included this Tim Minchin song I'd never heard before :)

crying uncle, stuff around here, and rambling thoughts...

2011-04-06T17:49:00.024-06:00

******

my kind and grounded neighbor unexpectedly dropped dead last week. he was only 58. he lay there for 48 hours before being found. for 2 days I drove by his corpse (we share a driveway) without an inkling that anything was amiss. it was a reminder that life is too short to waste on being "smart and responsible", or forcing one's self into ill fitting skin. today my neighbor's brother tossed the death couch into the front yard to be carted away, and zoe volunteered to look after his mostly feral, unnamed cat. meanwhile i am crying uncle after a fool hardy experiment because it is more important to live mindfully and with dignity than to be prepared for unknown and uncontrollable eventualities. the silliness ends in May.

rest in peace

******

anteater update

2011-03-30T08:34:00.004-06:00

he's number one...at least for now.

pictures taken before I fell off of the porch and into a snow drift :)

2011-03-29T11:23:00.016-06:00

a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground...

2011-03-28T22:18:00.004-06:00

"Nocera's leaf... placed in a gallon of water in bright sunlight, it is said to be able to produce enough electricity to supply a house in a developing country for a day."

read more here.

damn, check out dana!!!

2011-03-23T18:15:00.006-06:00

(Child of Darfur)

one of these days I'm going to get back to making art AND blogging.

meanwhile, check out Dana!

www.danapruner.com

this year's WWA donations...

2011-03-08T11:43:00.010-07:00

(Larry's donation, 5" x 7")

I just wanted to post our donations to this year's Wyoming Wilderness Association Miniature Art and Music festival so I'd have a record of what we sent. The auction isn't until next month but I'm going to be swamped all of April so I've gotten things ready a little early.

(another recycled mirror, 6" square)

for the WWA website click here.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T19:34:00.002-07:00

My Valentine from Zoe.

the house that Dave built...

2011-02-12T18:35:00.018-07:00

Dave stopped by today to show us his photos and journals recorded while he built our(now)/his(then) cabin. He didn't use a kit; it is a completely one of a kind home. He harvested the logs himself from trees killed by forest fire or beetles. He transported them and stripped each log by hand; including all of the rough cut lumber. I can't even imagine the amount of physical and emotional labor that such a project would entail. The doors and cabinets are all hand made, and even much of the hardware was forged by hand. The double pane windows were seconds, the maple floor in the living room was recycled from an old gym floor after a local school was demolished. The claw foot tub was rescued from a ranch were it was being used as a feed trough. And even the floor to ceiling wood shelving in Zoe's room were from an old schoolhouse. We are very lucky to be able to live here.

when coping mechanisms don't amount to real change

2011-02-10T19:31:00.011-07:00

Having gotten to a stage in life where everything had fallen into place, I stupidly mistook my happy place for real wholeness and personal transformation. And then, because my brain told me that it was the smart and responsible thing to do, I made a small change. Nothing drastic, just a tweak; insurance of a sort. Knowing myself pretty well (or so I thought) I expected there to be an adjustment period and maybe that is all this is, but truthfully it feels far more disconcerting. I don't think I was prepared for how overwhelming old demons, unexpectedly resurrected, can be. Recognizing that what I thought was real and substantive growth as merely the soft cushion of avoidance is so totally disheartening. It would seem that mental health, happiness, and self actualization in my case is wholly dependent upon my not leaving the house. I can own that, I guess. Deep down I've always known that I'm a hermit and I like being a hermit. I guess what is really bothering me is that I imagined myself to be able to set that part of myself aside at will; that it was a choice, a preference, something within my control. In truth it doesn't appear to be. Writing this is helping me to accept it as an intrinsic part of my very nature. And, if I was one of those people who propounds embracing adversity as a path toward “self improvement” than this might be an exciting opportunity. But I'm not. To me, living life as a series of obstacles to be overcome, to try to fix what is not broken, is a complete waste of time. I am more of the mind that to practice gratitude, to quietly embrace ourselves and this existence, and, as Alice Walker wrote, to appreciate the color purple, is the healthier more fulfilling path. I feel better now. Thanks.

got ants?

2011-02-05T22:43:00.006-07:00

An anteater illustration...

because there just aren't very many on Shutterstock.

hypotheticals

2011-01-23T09:48:00.008-07:00

It is possible that just days after solemnly vowing to her beloved that they would add no more animals in their home, that someone might encounter a bird dying in the middle of a frozen road. Imagine a bitterly cold day and a tiny sisken, after being hit by a car, lying helplessly atop the frozen pavement. Imagine him in immediate danger of being smushed beneath the next set of tires to come by and seeming to be very close to succumbing to hypothermia. You couldn't expect our hypothetical friend to look the other way just because of a lover's pact; or because there are a million and one such creatures in the forest, or because it is illegal to do so, now could you? I'm sure that if this were to happen she probably figured she would take the bird home to die in warmth before returning him to nature. And if by surprise the little guy recovered his health, it wouldn't be right to put him out into the wicked cold until he could fly again, am I right? So, it is my opinion that federal law and the promises of lifelong partners should be subject to exceptions when faced with tiny frozen bodies... hypothetically.

Hey Big Brother!

2011-01-17T09:40:00.013-07:00

My 15 year old woke me out of a sound sleep at 2 am last night because she'd found a website that keeps a public records style database on each and every one of us. By just plugging in my name you could have found my spouse's name, possibly my child's name, my address, phone number, our income, and either a google map to my house or an actual photograph of my house (not anymore, I've removed both myself and Larry). It is nothing short of a stalker's dream site...well, a lazy stalker's dream site. It's not like most of this information couldn't be had through lengthy and diligent research elsewhere but Spokeo has taken it upon themselves to do the legwork for you. I can't even imagine the plethora of nefariousness just ready and waiting for the right psycho to come along. And, if said psycho has $3 a month they can find unlimited goodies about you and everyone else they're interested in. I guess what I'm saying is go to Spokeo.com and plug in your name (and your partner's name) and see what's there. Then you can decide for yourself if you'd like to be removed.

On the bright side they valuated my home at a good $100,000 more than I thought it was worth. Happy stalking everyone! :)

www.spokeo.com

an arctic front on top of us

2011-01-10T15:08:00.017-07:00

We're trapped underneath an arctic front today so (rather than using my time productively by finishing an illustration I started a few days ago) I've been dorking around on the computer digitally collaging an old sketch I found while rummaging through my art discs.

And while I'm not really thrilled with the sketch on it's own, there are elements that I like.

Meanwhile there's a yearling buck who's standing under my studio window begging me to come feed him. He's already had half a loaf of wheat bread but the high's around zero today so he's hard to ignore. I'm going to finish posting this, turn off the computer, and see what I've got leftover in the fridge that he might like.

for tara, as promised

2011-01-08T15:26:00.006-07:00

An excerpt from party of one, THE LONER'S MANIFESTO by anneli rufus:

APART.

Such a simple concept. So concrete. So easy to represent on charts or diagrams with dots and pushpins either in or out. Yet real life is not dots. Some of us appear to be in, but we are out. And that is where we want to be. Not just want but need, the way the tuna needs the sea.

Simple: an orientation,not just a choice.

A fact.....We are loners. Which means we are at our best,

as Orsino says in the Twelth Night, when least in company.

We do not require company. The opposite in varying degrees,

it bores us, drains us, makes our eyes glaze over. Overcomes us like a steamroller....

Someone says to you, "Let's have lunch". You clench. Your sinews leap within you, angling for an escape. What others thrive on, what they take for granted, the contact and confraternity and sharing that gives them strength leaves us empty...

This is not about hate...It is not personal. I am not angry. Nor is this about being afraid. I am not shy. I do not have terrible manners. ..

Being a loner is not about hate, but need. We need what others dread.

We dread what others need.

stalking birds

2011-01-02T15:54:00.014-07:00

(a bald eagle in flight being watched by a raven and some magpies)

Today was our area's annual Audubon Society's Christmas Bird Count so I thought I'd post some of the pictures I took while we were out and about.

(not far from our house, looking toward the foothills)

(another adult bald eagle in flight near Tunnel Hill)

(looking away from the mountains)

(an immature bald eagle too hungry to care about us.)

(just a horse)

~Our tally~

4 mallards

4 Bald Eagles

2 Rough Legged Hawks

3 Golden Eagles (fighting over a carcass)

4 Ring Necked Pheasants

59 wild turkey

1 Hairy Woodpecker

23 Magpies

7 Crows

1 Raven

12 Black Capped Chickadees

2 Mountain Chickadees

3 Red-Breasted Nuthatches

2 White-Breasted Nuthatches

29 Juncos

1 Pine Siskin

The year of "just being"...

2011-01-01T19:51:00.012-07:00

Happy New Years everyone,

I hope the year is starting in a good place for you.

I was trying to imagine what 2011 was going to be for me.

*2006 was the year of Girl Scouts :(

*2007 was the year of ebay

*2008, the year of blogging

*2009 was the year of educating myself (learning some really basic photography, refreshing my knowledge of perspective, and developing some passable photoshop skills among other things).

In 2010 I decided that what I really needed to do (having walked away from making “real art” in 1997) was to redefine myself as an illustrator and to increase my studio time while improving my work ethic. Unfortunately 2010 was also the year that I decided that drawing stupid cartoons for clients (aka illustration) is NOT my strength, and is not something I wanted to spend my days doing. I have an Annie Dillard quote on the wall above my computer which says that

“How we spend out days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

and I refuse to spend my life struggling to produce mediocre cartoons.

So, in 2011 I want to just be. No “shoulds”, no forcing new skills, no trying to make myself into something relevant; just allowing whatever is, to be. I'll probably do some stock since I enjoy that and I might even revisit “art” (sans the morbidly narcissistic seriousness of the "art world"). If I don't end up creating anything at all, that's okay too, because 2011 is the year of "just being" and that's enough. Sat Nam.